winding whirlpools...

I stood there at the horrendously crowded signal on 100 ft Road, scared out of my wits that I'd be run over by a 'won't think twice before jumping signal' driver / rider. And there he was my pet peeve looking all the more hideous in a weird yellow and black contraption.... the very sight of him made my skin crawl.

I often wondered as to what about him made me turn into a conniving, theatrical, blubbering cartoon that's not being true to herself. I guess it was just the inane human need to have my needs fulfilled no matter what the medium or source. He crawled in slow motion upto where I stood and stopped with an indignant air about him. 'Where to Madam?' he half barks at me. I already know the answer to my retort that follows 'Kammanahalli!' I half whisper, not even making an attempt to make it sound like a request. I normally follow the name of my destination with an earnest sounding 'Bhaiya!' But today I wasn't in the mood to be nice. Expecting him to disappear with a shrug of his shoulders I turn the other way looking out for the next creepy crawly I could hitch a ride on. But, to my surprise, he persists 'Kammanahalli mein kidhar madam?' and like a robot I answer 'Nilgiris ke paas.' This time around he's quick on the draw and before I can turn away he brings down the meter with a swift move of his experienced hand and hints that I get in before the cop comes over and gives him a ticket. So I half throw my heavy laptop in, hoist my handbag and lunch bag in and hop in, still shaking from what had just occurred.

I've a record - I am sure an unbeaten one - of being rejected by 45 auto drivers in a row. I guess I've been rendered soul less by all the auto drivers I've encountered over the years. So much so I've assumed that all of them are straight from hell and none of them are humane. I now stand corrected! There are good souls such as this man who:

- ask you if the volume of the music that is being played is ok.
- apologise if the bumpy road makes you squirm as if it the auto that is at fault.
- tells you funny stories of his encounters with cops who refuse to get down from their vehicles.
- bares his soul to you because he feels you've eyes that reflect a caring soul.
- refuses to take extra money after having asked you for it, because you sounded worried when he coughed his lungs out.
- waited patiently even after you'd paid him and gotten down at a medical store to buy something because he knows you've to walk with all that luggage to your house which just might be some distance away.
- wakes up from his cozy afternoon nap to take you to the heart of the city, not complaining even as the drone of vehicles, summer heat and traffic jams get to you.
- smiles and says 'Your boyfriend looks like he loves you a lot' when the man dropped me off to an auto stand one morning.
- waits patiently as you pay your cellphone bill, is apprehended by a cop for parking under a 'no-parking' sign, is roasting in the heat of the unrelenting sun but still offers you a beatific smile when you reappear having battled a long queue to pay the overdue bill.
- offers to take you through a short cut not to make money on the sly but to help you avoid crowded lanes since you are a girl and need to be home before the unearthly hours descend.
- tell you to assure your mum (who's on the phone with you) that he will have you home in one piece.
- shows you pictures of his grand daughter minus her two front teeth offering that she was wearing something similar to what I had on that morning.
- calls you 'madam' even though you are almost half his age and continues to speak in perfect, unbroken English, of his transition from an engineer to a rickshaw driver so that he could serve people who depended on autos for transport daily.

I think of all this and yes I stand corrected again!

*build a wall around my happiness- kahin nazar na lage.
*walking with a lime & chilli in hand! (ref. above).
*live life in a comic strip. i so envy CaLviN!
*look for that last drop of vodka in my long emptied glass.
*find out why men are so fixated on white skin?
*test and see 'kya mein paanchi pass se tez hoon?'
*how to get better at math(0.95-8912*3084=@$%*^*#$*@)
*get a permanent bubble hovering over my head reading ‘ ’.
*figure what to wear to my colleague's siblings wedding.
*convince self n everyone around that I'm an angel.
*write something interesting - make believe or otherwise.
*not go whack my sister across her fat head!
*hire ‘contract killers’ to kill non-confirming clients.
*organize my unorganizable, omni-present chaos.
*stop being addicted to addictive things.
*find questions to my answers.
*find answers to my questions.
*see why i am almost never on the right side of wrong.
*probably give another meaning to the middle finger.
*be a song that is hard for the world to memorize.
*convince well settled skeletons in my closet to leave.
*wonder why at times i feel invisible when talking to him.
*to lose my 'i like to pretend i don't have one' paunch.
*decide on a 30 diamond ring or a big fat solitaire.
*understand the hype behind IPL!
*figure why i've made such big career blunders.
*be funny without trying.
*give up KFC, subway, sprite, DBC, pepsi and all that jazz.
*figur why my father didn't let me follow his footsteps.
*dance lithely like ash did in 'barso re...'
*reason with unbelievable stupidity.
*multitask - proposal, math, emails, eat and yeah chat!
*fill the very unforgiving minute.
*understand why storm follows calm and not vice-versa???
*love the skin i am in.
*remember the lyrics of 'Follow me' by uncle cracker.
*decide whom to vote for this election.
*figure what the fuck 'Jumper' all about - stooopid.
*get past my AB Jr. obsession.
*pretend i've a hangover 'coz t's saturday night!!!
*figure out how to run away from it all and still be there.
*believe...

1) We hadn't begun dating yet - probably had quite a bit of crush on each other but unwilling to accept it. Sis and him are as good friends as we are so she asks for the three of us to go on a lunch + movie date. Here we are in Rice Bowl, chattering away above the din of the restaurant, drinking beer, gulping food, talking about the movie we are going to and then suddenly it happened. I was holding his hand under the table trying to comfort or pacify him (cant remember the reason). We did not let go until it was time to pay the bill. It was at that moment I realized I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him!

2) After a dogged day of working away on the IT Tool, calling clients, writing Ramayana and Mahabharatha for emails and making proposals, I've a dinner date with my best friend. She turns up half hour later - I've already begun tucking into my steamed momo's and coke (blech! but I was famished for Christ's sake). We polished a heavy hearty meal and then her little brat decides to go running through Yo-China! I look on helplessly unable to chase him with a full tummy. He dashes to the other end of the room, runs into a fake potted plant, almost uprooting it, turns around beams us a beatific smile and continues his train like charge around the room.

3) We are sitting at the theater watching a movie - not that it was gripping or anything. With nothing to focus my grey matter on read be distracted the AC vent seem to be turning me into a shivering blue mass! He's always so warm! So I inch closer to him, wishing he would radiate some warmth to this poor soul. He senses I am chattering, hands me his arm to use as a comfort blanket of sorts... never felt so warm and secure in my life.